


There Will Be No Bleaching Of Eyes

by fangirl_295



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Sassy Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-12 03:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20136682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_295/pseuds/fangirl_295
Summary: Peter finds out Happy and May are dating. The only logical thing is to call Tony Stark.





	There Will Be No Bleaching Of Eyes

Tony Stark was currently rushing to the Parker residence in an absolute flurry because of Peter's frantic phone call. Something about "May", "bleach", "Happy", "Thai" and whole lot of crying. Naturally he rushed to see why his Spider baby was so distressed.

Upon arriving at the apartment, he heard screams from the hallway which made him start walking all the more faster. Tony knocked the door quickly and it swung open to none other, Peter Parker.

"Mr Stark! SAVE ME FROM THIS INSANITY PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT REAL!" Peter shouted.

Confused, Tony entered the apartment to see an exasperated May Parker and a slightly terrified Happy Hogan. Holding hands? What-

"Uh is anyone going to tell me what on earth is going on here?" Tony questioned.

May and Happy were starting to explain when Peter screamed "They're dating!"

Tony looked at the trio very amused from the distressed look in Peter's eyes to the nervous chuckles coming from May and Happy. "That little shit." Tony thought a grin breaking across his face.

"My my, go Aunt Hottie. Hogan, treat her well, she's scary." Tony stated. What? He wasn't going to lie to the poor man he should know exactly what he's getting into. Trust him. He's been on the receiving end one too many and it is not pretty. May and Pepper are besties now. Lord have mercy on our souls. 

"Mr Stark! Don't encourage this behaviour!" Peter said frantically. Poor boy was scarred. 

"Pete what exactly happened?" He questioned.

"So I was meant to be staying the whole weekend at Ned's but I came back a day early as they had a family emergency to see these two kissing on the couch! They had Thai and Happy stayed the night!" Peter scrunched his face in disgust and shuddered. 

"I need to bleach my eyes" Peter whined

"There will be no bleaching of eyes kid." Happy reprimanded. 

"That's easy for you to say! I need therapy and lots of it! Dude that's my aunt!" Peter responded. 

"This dramatic kid. I taught him well." Tony thought amused. 

"Peter Benjamin Parker I am a grown woman who can do whatever she pleases." May stated with an eyebrow raised at her distraught nephew.

"And I am an innocent child who witnessed a crime against my humanity!" Peter retorted.

Tony turned to the couple with a smile dancing on his lips. He tilted his glasses down his nose and questioned "Do you two kids have anything to say for yourselves?"

"As adults we don't have to explain anything to you" "We've been together for 6 months! What do you expect?" May and Happy said simultaneously.

May whipped around and elbowed Happy hissing "You weren't meant to tell them that!" A scared looked dawned upon Happy's face.

"WHAT?!" Screamed Peter.

Large, brown doe eyes widened in incredulity. With as much grace as he could, he jumped into Tony's arms and clung to him like a child. 

"I refuse to deal with this madness. Take me away." He claimed dramatically.

With a roll of his eyes he started at his spiderling with fondness and offered if wanted to stay at the Tower with him and Pepper which Peter immediately agreed to.

"Go get your things kid." Tony told Peter who quickly grabbed his bag.

A manic grin stretched across Tony's face. "So does this mean you're going to call him Uncle Happy now? Uncle Harold?" He questioned Peter innocently which led to high pitched screams.

"Peter! You can both spend quality time together!" Tony shouted chasing after Peter to torment him more. This leads to louder screams.

After a while, Tony is ready to take Peter back the Tower with him. Peter looked up at Tony with a pout playing on his lips and arms crossed. He looked like an angry baby kitten. 

Peter held his arms out to Tony and demanded to be carried. It's the least he could do after this "trauma" he just experienced. 

Tony sighed fondly and allowed the kid to clamber on his back as he felt soft brown curls tickle his neck.

"Right lets go kiddo." Tony said guiding them out the apartment. They both bid farewell to Happy and May.

"Use protection!" Tony hollered on his way out.

Only for a "MR STARK--" to be screamed in his ear and laughed and the pure mortification in Peter's voice.

Peter dramatically started to cry.

Tony smirked and said "What? Safe sex is--" to be cut off by more screams.

He cackled maniacally all the way home.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys I hope you enjoyed! This was fun to write. Kudos and comments would be appreciated. :)


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